Super Pizza Squad

As far as alien cyborg's bent on galactic domination go, you could do a lot worse than Omega 7. He was a vast improvement over, for example, Omega 6.

Omega 6, though, still had both eyes, part of his left shoulder, his right lung, parts of his intestinal tract, a few square inches of skin, and, of course, his increasingly demented brain. Sadly, when creating Omega 7, the bio-engineers were unable to recover his right eyeball, instead replacing it with a powerful laser, as they were fond of doing. Still, Omega 7 was getting by with just his left quite admirably."FOOLS!" The warlord shouted, "Face the wrath of my QUAD LASER!" As he cackled maniacally his forearms split into two sections, which then transformed into laser cannons. Again, Omega's bioengineers are just nuts for lasers. He fired all four lasers at the woman in glowing purple armor that charged at him. She held up her own forearm and a large orange disc extended outward, deflecting the lasers away from her. At the last moment she lashed out with the energy shield and then stepped aside. As the cyborg stumbled back the man in the red spandex who had been shadowing the armored girl closed the distance and landed a steel crushing haymaker on the warlord's stomach.

These guys again. Ever since Omega 3 had made the mistake to target earth, these "heroes" had made a point of ruining his fun. Just because his fun involved subjugation and genocide on a planetary scale. Heck, the planet on which they now stood, a lovely world with a sentient species that had just developed agriculture, wasn't even in the same solar system as earth yet these guys insist on preventing Omega 7 from enslaving its peaceful inhabitants.

And so they were here with their annoying ancient alien battle armor and their stupid steel crushing punches.

Luckily for Omega 7, he was composed of an alien alloy that was actually stronger than steel, so he simply shrugged off the powerful blow. "Ha ha ha!" He boomed, "Your blows are nothing to the- BY FOGARR'S GROIN MY EYE!" His eye had exploded in a shower of orange blood as he gloated. On a nearby hill, a heavy-set black woman in an orange spacesuit pumped her fist in the air.

"Yeah!" She shouted over the comm system, "Got him right in the eye!"

"Don't get cocky Longshot," the man in red said, "just keep Omega 7's minions off us!"

"Yeah, yeah Dan, I just saw an opportunity and I took it."

"Colonel Crimson!" The woman in purple shouted as Omega 7 blindly swung a whirring saw blade down at the man in red.

Colonel Crimson spun around and grabbed the blade of the saw with his bare hands. With a grunt of exertion he bent the blade and released it, causing the limb to explode as it continued its spin.

One of Omega 7's henchmen, seeing an opportunity to win glory by saving the life of his liege, fired a rocket at Colonel Crimson. A pink streak plucked the rocket out of the air, and then deposited it in his back pocket. He got a brief image of a giggling, blonde sixteen year old girl, appearing suddenly on a pile of rubble to wave goodbye, before the rocket exploded.

"Nice work Speedfreak!" Colonel Crimson called out, launching another barrage of punches on Omega 7's chest. The girl suddenly appeared standing on the cyborg's shoulder, popped off a quick salute and then disappeared again.

"Be careful Jenna!" Another woman, clad in a stylized green doctor's coat shouted at the pink streak. Sure enough the streak abruptly resolved into the girl, sailing through the air, clutching her foot, and screaming a string of profanity that would make a sailor blush.

"What did I just say!?" The doctor shouted. Next to her, an overweight young man in yellow punched out another of the swarm of minions surrounding them, his arms turning silver just before the impact. "Adamantium lad, get me to Speedfreak."

 "Can do Doc," the young man nodded. His entire body turned silver and he bulldozed his way through the alien soldiers all around them. The doctor followed in his wake, occasionally kicking a body here and there for good measure.

Adamantium Lad tackled a pair of aliens closing in on Speedfreak and then taunted a larger group.  The volley of fire from their alien weapons deflected harmlessly off the diamond hard shell that covered his body.

"Ok, where does it hurt?" The doctor asked as she took advantage of the distraction to slip in next to Speedfreak.

"Um, I don't know," the girl said through gritted teeth, "maybe the part where my left leg is fucking backwards!" She removed her hands from her leg revealing a bloody mess, the highlight of which was her left foot being perpendicular to her calf.

"Wow ok." The doctor gently took her leg, and then roughly shoved it into the correct configuration, eliciting yowls of pain from Speedfreak.

"OW FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING BITCH!" The speedster screamed. The doctor just sighed and placed her hands on the leg. Green energy poured from them and Speedfreak's screams died down.

"There you go, you big baby..."

Speedfreak stood up, flexed her completely healed leg, giggled, and disappeared in a flash.

"Wow! Thanks Asclepius " The doctor muttered to herself, "I'm so glad you're here for whenever I stub my toe at two hundred miles an hour..."

Suddenly a spray of orange blood coated the back of her head. She turned and watched the headless body of a cyborg soldier drop the energy sword it was carrying and then fall to the ground.

"Got your back Doc!" Longshot said over the radio.

"Thanks." Asclepius said into the comm. Adamantium Lad held out a hand and helped her to her feet.

"Fools!" Omega 7 hollered, "You may have won the battle, but it is I, Omega 7, who shall win the war!" He was missing his left arm and showers of sparks poured from hid robotic body. He hobbled over to a console he had been standing in front of and produced a glowing green device.

Omega 7 took pride in his Domination Fortresses. They were always classy affairs with plenty of room for minions and even more room for lasers. But he also made sure he could always blow the damn things to hell if need be.

"In a few minutes, this fortress, and everything in a mile radius, will be nothing but a fond memory!" Omega 7 cackled. A gaggle of his most loyal henchmen emerged from the shadows, and ushered both their master and his bomb inside the fortress.

"So did we win?" Adamantium Lad asked. The remaining cyborgs were scattering in every direction.

A few moments later a sleek silver ship emerged from the roof of the fortress and took off into the atmosphere.

"He'll be back." Colonel Crimson said.

"Probably as Omega 8, after what we did to him." The armored woman said. She casually extended her arm, causing a bow of orange energy to extend from her fist. She drew back the other hand, which generated an arrow and fired it into the back of one of the cyborg soldiers.

"Now, now Valkyrie, that’s not very sporting." Colonel Crimson scolded her.

She shrugged. Suddenly another spaceship, this one gleaming in red, white, and blue, swooped down on the battlefield.  It landed gently and extended its ramp. Colonel Crimson, ushered Valkyrie inside then gently rose into the air and took off toward Longshot, bringing her back just as Adamantium Lad and Asclepius were hurrying aboard.

"Thanks for the lift Colonel!" She said, as she began to disassemble the huge rifle she carried.

Speedfreak was, of course, already in her seat, texting on her phone. Adamantium Lad took a seat next to her as Asclepius ducked into the lavatory at the back of the ship.

Valkyrie's armor had already retracted into the symbiote that ran long her spine, revealing a sports bra and yoga pants. Colonel Crimson nodded to her and entered the cockpit as the muffled sound of an explosion rang out behind them.

At the controls of the ship was a dark haired man in a blue trench coat.

"Just in time, as usual, Mechanic."

"Don't you love it when a plan comes together?" Mechanic said. A glowing blue cigar appeared in his mouth and he took a couple imaginary puffs before it disappeared into thin air.

Colonel Crimson stared at him blankly.

"Hannibal? From the A-Team?"

"TV Show?"

"Yes!"

"I grew up without a TV, remember?"

"I always forget that. When we get back I am showing you the A-Team."

"Don't see the remake." Adamantium Lad called from behind them, "it's fucking terrible."

"Vito's Pizza, this is Amber, how can I help you?" Amber leaned on the counter as she took the order, typing it into a tablet. The restaurant was fairly empty, as usual, save for the pack of regulars inhabiting the tables near the back. Adam sat in a booth near the front talking to Jenna.

"Adam, we got an order." Amber called over to him. He sighed and shoved his Vito's Pizza hat back on his head. "And keep your hat on. Do you remember what happened the last time Dan caught you out of uniform?"

"Yeah," Adam sighed, "and I still think threatening to throw me through a building was over-dramatic."

"When are you going to let me do some deliveries?" Jenna asked.

"When you learn to drive."

"I don't need to drive!" Jenna protested, "I can get the pizza there in 3 seconds!"

"Yes, you deliver a wind-chilled pizza and then come back with a destroyed uniform. This isn't your suit Jenna."

"Besides," Adam added, "your special goggles aren't part of the uniform. If I have to wear a hat, then you can't wear goggles."

"Ugh. Whatever." Jenna sat back in the booth, her arms crossed.

"Shouldn't you be at the hostess station?"

"Oh I'm sorry." Jenna dragged herself out of the booth, "we need to be ready for the late afternoon rush!" She gestured to the deserted lobby of the restaurant.

"Just get up there."

Eric appeared from the kitchen, a flowing blue chef hat on his head.

"Can one of you go tell Dan we're running low on pepperoni? We need a bigger order next time."

"Oh come on!" Adam thrust a finger accusingly at Eric's hat.

"Cut that shit out when you're not in the kitchen Eric."

Eric looked up distractedly and the hat disappeared. 

"Sorry, forgot it was up there."

"Someone's gonna see and blow our cover."

Adam said.

"Honey, there's no one here to see that doesn't already know." Wanda appeared at Adam's side and put a hand on his shoulder.  She pointed back at the tables full of regulars in the back.

"Hell, hardly anyone here at all. Not that I'm complaining." She pulled a small scope out of her apron and began tinkering with it.

Amy was dropping off another plate of Buffalo wings to a table of teenage boys.

"You know Valkyrie," one began.

"Amy. My name is Amy."

"In the comic books you look like you have DDs but in real life you look more like a B Cup."

"You know I could break your spine, right?"

"Yeah but that wouldn't be very heroic." Another chimed in.

"Well I can still refuse to serve you so you nerds would have to find somewhere else to spend your afternoons."

"Sorry." The first boy said, "I was just bringing to light the comic book industries objectification of women at the expense of reality."

"Sure you were..." Amy retreated to the kitchen, where she allowed purple armor to cover her arms, extending out from her back. She threw a punch at the specially reinforced punching bag set up near the entrance to the dining area. The bolts securing it to the ceiling groaned in protest, but held.

A glowing blue tea cup materialized in the air in front of her and Eric poured a steaming cup of tea.

"Rough table?" He asked.

"The nerds are back."

"Ah they’re not so bad. Why don't you get Wanda to cover your table and I'll give you one of my famous 1000 hand massages?"

"Don't you have pizzas to make?"

Eric's smile drooped in an exaggerated pout, before returning to his usual sly grin.

"I could just invent a pizza making robot."

"You remember the last time you built a robot to do your job?"

"That was one time. And I realize it was probably a mistake to give a mail-sorting robot a flamethrower."

"Just finish those pizzas. You can give me that massage after work." She blew a kiss and then returned to the lobby.

Eric sighed and then turned his attention to the counter, where he hastily disassembled a crude robotic brain and took out a lump of pizza dough.

That night the heroes gathered in the backroom for their weekly staff meeting.

"Okay, so we'll be ordering an extra box of pepperoni starting next week. Any more Vito's business?" Dan looked around the small room. The rest of the heroes shook their heads. "Okay then. Does anyone have anything else they'd like to discuss?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders.

"Yeah," Adam spoke up first, "so I'm almost 19 right? Not really a 'lad' anymore. Can I change my name to Adamantium 'Man'?"

"That's up to you Adam. Your name is how you choose to identify yourself as a hero and if you think you're a man now then your name should reflect that."

"Can we change Assclaps name too?" Jenna chimed in, "To like, Doctor Woman or something?"

"It's Asclepius." Amber said, "The Greek god of medicine."

"No one knows what that is! Hell, we could just call you Amber and it would be a better superhero name."

"Now now," Dan intervened, "What Amber chooses to call herself is her choice.”

"It's better than 'Speedfreak'" Amber muttered, "you sound like a drug addict."

"Oh ha ha. As if Dan would even let us take aspirin."

"We don't need aspirin! I have god damn healing powers!"

The room was quiet for a moment as the two women glared at each other. Finally Dan broke the silence.

"Moving on, we've been tipped off that Herbicide and The Grasshopper are going to be raiding the University Botany Lab on Sunday. I'd like Valkyrie and The Mechanic to be there waiting for them."

"What?" Jenna shrieked, "Eric was supposed to take me to get my stupid driver's license on Sunday."

"Our first priority is always the protection of this city."

"Have Longshot cover Valkyrie then!"

"No can do, honey. It's Jamal's piano recital. Time to see what six months of whuppin' his butt away from that Nintendo got me."

"Ugh! Well who's going to take me then? My Grandpa's too sick to leave the house!"

"I can take you Jenna." Adam said, an awkward smile on his face.

"Thanks Adam!" Jenna sneered triumphantly, "see? He's a real friend."

"Yeah... a friend." Adam's smile wavered a little bit.

Suddenly the back wall exploded inwards and a half dozen alien cyborgs faced them down from the alley, all pointing needlessly large alien rifles.

"Fools!" Their leader snarled, an evil smile distorting his reptilian features, "we have found your secret lair at--" suddenly a streak of color disarmed the goons and they were left blinking as Jenna appeared in front of them, standing in front of a pile of their weapons. She blinked away for a moment and Wanda now held one of their guns. A quick salvo disabled all but the lieutenant.

"Oh... um..." the alien cyborg looked around nervously, "now, face uh... the wrath of my lord and master..." he pointed to the building behind him which suddenly crumbled into dust.

"OMEGA 8, GRAND WARLORD OF THE VAXXIS NEBULA!" The newly rebuilt alien cyborg now sported a new bionic eye and an extra pair of limbs, sporting a nozzle that dripped acid and a giant pair of shears.

"Big deal," Jenna taunted, "this will take us an extra 12 seconds or so to dismantle."

But as the dust cleared, seven more shapes came into view, all cackling doppelgangers of the alien cyborg.

"Ok so, that's 7 times... 12... Uh."

"Fools!" The warlords shouted in unison, “not even your powers are a match for the might of Omega 8!"

"Mechanic!" Colonel Crimson shouted, "Analyze them for weak points. Valkyrie, Adamantium Lad, try and keep as many of them busy as you can, Longshot, prioritize weapon systems, Speedfreak draw their fire away from any civilians!"

The heroes leapt into action. A blue, goggle like computer materialized over Mechanic's head. Longshot tossed aside the alien weapon and leapt under the table to retrieve one of her own rifles. Valkyrie and Adamantium Lad became encased in purple and silver respectively and charged at the warlords. Colonel Crimson tore off his polo shirt to reveal his costume underneath and launched a flying tackle at the closest cyborg. Jenna took off, returned a moment later in her costume and goggles, and then began circling the warlords as they fired at her. Two of the cyborgs noticed and sprayed the ground with a black substance.

Suddenly Speedfreak slowed down, and then stopped as her feet became stuck in the black substance.

"Muhahaha!" The cyborgs cackled, "not so speedy now, eh?"

Adamantium Lad jumped in front of her just as they fired upon her with a bewildering array of weapons.

"Asclepius!" Colonel Crimson shouted, just as Amber reappeared in her costume, "Get Speedfreak unstuck!" One of the Omegas took advantage of the Colonel's distraction and grabbed him in its robotic hands. The Colonel writhed in agony as the veins visible in his neck began turning black.

"We'll see how strong you are with mercury in your veins!" The warlord laughed. Colonel Crimson fell to his knees, shuddering as the poison coursed through his veins. Asclepius turned to him.

"I'll be fine!" He shouted preemptively, "focus on Speedfreak." Even as he spoke his skin around his veins began turning a silvery grey color.

"Do we have an analysis? " Valkyrie shouted, as she cleaved off a writhing metal tentacle with a glowing orange sword.

"Almost," Mechanic replied, throwing up a blue shield to deflect a volley of missiles. "I need a little more data..." He was so focused he didn't notice as Omega's lieutenant slid up through the rubble behind him.

"Eric! Behind you!" Valkyrie shouted.

Thanks to her warning, Mechanic sidestepped, so the alien blade didn't pierce his heart, nevertheless he slumped to the ground in agony. Valkyrie turned to run to him.

"Oh no you don't!" The Omega she had been fighting shot a metallic tentacle from its chest that attached to the armor symbiote on her back. A pulse of energy exploded down the length of the tentacle and Valkyrie was frozen in place as her armor lost its glow and froze up.

"Ha ha!" Omega 8 laughed, "It took my scientists a while but we finally figured out how the Kessel Centurions who wore your armor were finally defeated!"

Longshot smashed the alien lieutenant in the back of the head with her rifle and then applied pressure to Mechanic's wound.

"We need Asclepius!" She shouted.

Luckily, Asclepius had just finished removing Speedfreak's feet.

"I'll cover you," Adamantium Lad said, lasers pounding his diamond hard skin.

"You're not fast enough, Mechanic needs help now." Jenna said, her tone serious for once. "Get on my back."

Without a word, Asclepius climbed onto the speedster's back and in a flash she dizzily climbed off and knelt down next to Mechanic, who was still managing to maintain a shield, though it was starting to flicker.

"Ok, we'll get you fixed up in no time." Asclepius said as she laid her hands on his bloody side.

"Speedfreak..." Mechanic mumbled, "there's a neural transmitter...  linking the cyborgs. If you remove them all fast enough it'll short them out."

"Ok, what does it look like?" Speedfreak asked quickly, glancing nervously at his side, "it's an egg shaped silver thing with blinking lights on the back of the heads."

"Ok." Speedfreak stood up.

"Wait!" Mechanic pointed at her feet. A moment later glowing blue crampons appeared on her feet.

"Thanks Eric."

"Save Valkyrie..." his eyes blinked close and the shield and crampons flickered but they stayed.

"He'll be fine," Asclepius said, as blood absorbed into his side, "he's just being dramatic. GO!"

As Speedfreak sped off a sly smile appeared on Mechanic's face.

In the blink of an eye Speedfreak was back with both hands full of silver devices.

The cyborgs were wreathed in electricity before they froze up. Valkyrie's suit regained its glow and she ripped the tentacle off her back and then pulled on it, bringing the disabled warlord forward onto the glowing orange blade of her energy sword.

"No!" The lead cyborg wailed, "Not again!"

A sleek alien transport appeared in the sky above them, its cloaking device rippling the image as it deactivated.

Colonel Crimson pulled himself to his feet and ripped apart the closest cyborg. "This better be the last time we kick you off of Earth Omega!" Already, the color was returning to his face.

"You'll never defeat me!" Another Omega shouted, just as the flamethrower replacing his left arm exploded as Longshot penetrated the fuel tank.

A wave of cyborg grunts descended from the transport as it flew in low to the ground, most providing cover as their fellows dragged the remaining warlords onto the ship.

Their master secure they retreated back to the transport and took off into the sky, pursued by a squadron of Earth Defense Force fighter jets.

The heroes gathered around Colonel Crimson, who was still shaky. Valkyrie retracted her armor and grabbed Mechanic in a bear hug, kissing him deeply.

Amber sighed as Eric winced in pain. "You better not have re-broken his ribs."

"He got away again." Jenna pouted.

"I wonder what Omega 9's gonna look like." Adam's metallic shell disappeared as he joined the group.

"Trust me; it's going to be a while." Dan said, as Amber checked him over, "There were still five of him left. Knowing that egomaniac, there is going to be quite the discussion over who is the 'real' Omega."

"He did not think that through." Wanda shook her head.

"Let's hope the civil war lasts a long time." Eric smiled as he put his arm around Amy.

"Who knows," she said, "maybe he'll leave us alone for good this time."

"Well hopefully we'll have this place rebuilt by then." Dan gestured to the ruined back wall.

"Three day weekend!" Eric shouted.

"Amber can you call the usual contractors?"

"I'm on it Dan." Amber sighed.

Soon it was just Jenna and Adam left outside.

"You saved my life back there." Jenna said, her voice sincere.

"Oh! Uh..." Adam nervously scratched his head, "just doing my job."

"I know." Jenna stared at the ground, "you kind of save my life on a regular basis now that I think about it."

"You’re my teammate. And my friend."

"Well thanks. I don't say it a lot but it's nice to have you guys. It's just me and my Grandpa at home so you guys are like my family. "

"Oh... uh yeah. You're welcome!"

They were silent for a moment. Then the cocky tone returned to Jenna's voice.

"And don't forget to take me to get my license."

"Yeah no problem!"

"And maybe once I can drive I can take you to dinner to show my appreciation… Adamantium Man."

She blinked away and a smear of her pink lipstick appeared on Adam's cheek.

He smiled as he walked back inside the pizza parlor.