Ask Dr. Thunder Episode 315

So this week, instead of answering your stupid emails about bullshit, we're doing things a little differently. As you all know, I recently edited a collection of short stories that went on to win the prestigious Dr. Thunder Award for Things That Make Dr. Thunder Slightly Richer.
 Available here. Buy 10 copies.
However, the royalties I was contractually obligated to receive were somewhat less than I had expected. So I called up the shithead who wrote the stories and demanded that he publish another, better book, that I would name, edit, and receive all the credit for. So he did and now we're bringing him on as a special guest to talk about it. Well, special in the sense that he thinks he can write, like roughly 90% of the population.

Please welcome spite-fueled engine of self-destruction, Michael Armor.
How am I a "spite-fueled engine of self-destruction"?
Well you continue to insist that I am merely a character you created yes? So you are essentially talking to yourself?
Yes.
Well, then you just called ytourself a spite-fueled engine of self-destruction. That sounds pretty spiteful and self destructive to me.
Touche
This is America, we speak English here. If you don't like it you can return to whatever sandy hell hole you hail from.
First of all, I am American, second of all, this is the internet, which isn't technically America.
You just keep telling yourself that.
Can we talk about the book?
Sure, so you're a terrible writer. Which is a shame because it always seem like you are on the verge of not terrible, then you just add in a little hot glaze of failure that brings the whole work down.
Well, you know that`s the sort of thing an editor is supposed to catch so I can fix it.
Which is why I'm telling you.
Several months after the book was published.
I gave you notes!
You sent the proof copy back four hours after I gave it to you with a sticky note that said "Sounds Good" and a crude drawing of me getting sexually assaulted by a bear.
That's not true. He was raping you. That is a very specific kind of sexual assault. And I am pretty sure you were enjoying it. Anyway, that's all in the past, I will do a much better job on your next books.
Books?
Yep, you're writing two now.
But I haven't even finished the novel yet.
Oh he's writing "novels" now. Fancy. Just slap some of that crap you write in your spare time together and put a fancy title on it. I'm thinking "The Humble Magnificence of Dr. Thunder" or maybe "The Undeniable Glory of Dr. Thunder."
Or, you know, something relevant.
Ah! but you gave me the rights to name it!
Which isn't a real thing.
And to boost sales I will even include MY latest story, "Dr. Handsome Protagonist and the Temple of Being 
Better Than You In Every Way"
What, me personally?
No, just everyone.
So why exactly are we doing this when the book isn't even done yet?
Books.
Fine, books.
Because I haven't updated the blog in a while and if I have to sift through more emails from cretins asking me why other cretins won't fuck them I'm going to shoot someone.
Ok, so what do you want me to say? The novel's almost done, I'm probably half way through enough stories to fit another one. 
Tell them how pretty the books are going to be when you publish them. And I want my picture on the back this time. And the front.
Whatever, I'm probably going to have someone else edit them this time.
How dare you! I will hunt them down and kill their whole families with a spoon.
No you won't because you don't exist.
Boy you are just dead set on convincing the world you are a crazy person who talks to himself.
I guess I really am kind of a spite-fueled engine of self-defeat.
Self-destruction. 
Whatever. Buy my book.

Well that was insightful and a little depressing! Tune in whenever I feel like it for the next exciting installment of Ask Dr. Thunder. You keep sending those emails, and I'll keep pretending to read them! Unless I decided to interview a delusional jackass instead!