Today's episode is only a few days late, which makes it on time, by my standards! As such, we will not be needing my usual round of excuses. For the record though, it totally involved the harvesting of testicles from live bears. FOR SCIENCE!
So let's move on to the emails! Our first question comes from Skipper in Warsaw, Thailand. He or possibly she writes:
Dear Dr. Thunder,
Boxers or Briefs?
Well, Stever It's like my Great-Great Uncle Erasmus Thunder says in his classic book Erasmus Thunder's Guide to Justified Persecution : "He that wears garments BENEATH his garments, away from the sight of man and Our Lord God must surely be touched by the hand of SATAN and knowledgable of Dark Magicks and must thusly be shunned and destroyed" So there you have it. Go Commando.
Dear Dr. Thunder,
I woke up this morning and my feet were itching a lot. I looked at them and there appeared to be some sort of weird yellowish growth. Is this some sort of fungus?
No Steven, I'm afraid you have feline leukemia. Your best option is to amputate your feet, set them on fire, and then lock the ashes in a small room, which you must never enter again. Finding new feet can be annoying but I suggest stealing them from a homeless person. The lazy bastards aren't using them anyway. And speaking of annoying, those facebook statuses that are just a long paragraph about a cause ending with a request to repost it have been pissing me off lately, and not just because the suffering of others amuses me (that's why I became a doctor, after all) no, it annoys me because it gives people the idea that they are somehow making a difference by reposting it. "Raising awareness" only works for things that people have never heard of and actually need attention drawn to them. I'm pretty sure everyone has heard of cancer at this point, so asking them to re-post, as opposed to, you know, donating their time and money to actually help research cancer treatment just gives them an easy way to "help"without actually doing anything. But gettign back to your problem, Steverino, you're probably going to die.
Dear Dr. Thunder,
When will you make more videos? I am illiterate and thus cannot take advantage of your wonderful blog version.
Dear Stevie Nicks, Sophisticobra Studios, where Ask Dr. Thunder used to be filmed, was burned to the ground last fall, taking with it, much of our camera equipment and personnel. So unless you feel like buying me a new camera and/or camera operating slave, it's going to be a while before our video making capabilities are at full capacity.
Well, I grow weary of this inane drivel. I'm going to retire to the Orgy-dome now, but you keep sending those emails, and I will keep pretending to read them.
Send your questions to Xtremedoctor@gmail.com
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