And I hear he molests horses. Well two can play the "comment on contemporary media" game! It's time for Ask Dr. Thunder.
Dear Dr. Thunder,
What do you thi9nk of the new Blink 182 album?
Well, Steven, in a word: Awful. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Blink 182, or at least I did. I listened to Neighborhoods with high expectations as other fans of their work seemed to love it. "Classic Blink" They told me. Whores and Liars. I may not have heard every Blink song, but this album sounds like none of the ones trhat I have heard. It's full of synth and random indistinguishable sounds that aren't quite instruments and piano! GODDAMN PIANO. It reminds me of Angels and Airwaves, whose music I hate with the white hot passion of an exploding sun. The old songs you can tell were just Mike Hopper, Tommy Long and DJ AM playing their actual guitar/bass/drums. I'm not saying synth is a bad thing, in some bands it works rather well, but it is not Blink 182. And another thing, these are soem of the mopiest, most depressign vocals I have ever heard, and I am an avid My Chemical Romance fan. How do you out-depress a band that has a song called "Dead"? Sure the lyrics aren't that upbeat (or in any way as memorable as their old stuff) but you don't have to sign like your dog just fucked your wife and then kidnapped your children. Their older songs had some pretty depressing themes too, like Adam's Song, or Dammit, but they were young then, and not the sad old men they are now, and there was still an air of optimism behind the lyrics. This has been a bigger disappointment then Saints Row the Third. Why would you do that to the Saints Row Franchise, Volition? Saints Row 2 was the greatest video game of all time and you SHIT ALL OVER IT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT VOLITION? It's like someone made a list of why Siants ROw 2 was great and you specifically dropped those things from the sequel just to fuck with us.
Dear Dr. Thunder,
I keep getting this weird pain in the back of my head right above where my neck connects with the skull? What do you think it might be.
Throat Cancer. I mean the fact that you could choose which set of missions to do, possibly ignoring the other two gangs entirely is why I loved Saints Row 2! IT meant that every play through was different! Things don't always have to tie into each other you money-grubbing bastards. And What the hell is with that Professor Genki bullshit? That's not a diversion, that's just playing through a mission except all the enemies are dressed in mascot costumes! It's not even funny after the first time!
Dear Dr. Thunder,
Finals are coming up and I am just having trouble focusing. There are just too many distractions! I tried going to the library but that didn't help because I still had my smart phone on me. And I cant just leave that behind. What if there's an emergency? What should I do?
Chemical Castration. I mean sure, The Third does have it's good parts. I love the luchadores, and the tanks, and the VTOL aircraft and everything, but did you really have to take out the clothing customization system from SR2 and replace it with that clunky bullshit system. Ooh! The long hair bobs realistically, but now you can't customize the BEAR anymore. You had time to program in a 3 foot purple dildo bat, but not enough time to bring back fight club, or FUZZ or Septic Avenger? For shame, Volition.
Dear Dr. Thunder,
I am dying of a rare disease cal--
And if you are gonna change locales, why do another city? Stilwater was great, I loved it. Steelport just feels like a stripped down version of Stilwater. You could have set it in an LA kind of city, or Miami, or get away from the GTA franchise entirely and set it in a European style city. That would have been awesome! I don't know, I mean I might as well just give up on the franchise entirely at this point! If this trend continues I might just stick with Saints Row 2 and forget this whole ugly chapter even happened. They've already announced Saints Row 4 so they are just gonna plow stupidly ahead without even waiting for feedback. Anyway, that's all the time we have for today. I am going to go catapult strippers into Volition's headquarters until they agree to make me lead programmer. Adios!
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