10 Things I learned from the Free Games section at Nickel Nickel

So yesterday I went to Nickel Nickel. For those of you unfamiliar with Nickel Nickel, it is an arcade where prices that would normally be in quarters, are in nickels. Now, these places are not generally known for the quality of their games (As would be expected when paying a fifth of the usual price), but the one I went to yesterday was one of the most ghetto establishments I have ever patronized. Nearly every machine there was broken in some way, whether the grips were mssing from the joysticks, or it was just plain not working.
At the back of every Nickel Nickel is a section of free games, usually consisting of exceptionally outdated games or ones that would eat up way too many nickels to be fun. I've always figured this section was for kids at birthday parties (Nickel Nickel hosts children's parties) whose parents were too cheap to give them a lot of nickels to play while they waited for the rich kids to finish playing the good games. I found myself in this section when I ran out of nickels a half hour before the rest of my friends and I learned a few life lessons:
1. Michael Jackson was actually a powerful mage.
2. Ninja explode when they die.
3. In addition to the proton packs, the Ghostbusters also carried machine guns.
4. The speed of a bullet varies between 2 and 15 miles per hour.
5. Besides the more well known martial arts weapons, Ninja also carried cartoonishly large mallets and futuristic machine guns.
6. When Michael Jackson comes in contact with a chimpanzee, he will turn into a laser shooting robot.
7. The maximum altitude of a helicopter, is roughly 30 feet.
8. The term "cowboys" actually refers to a race of anthropomorphized cows that lived in the American southwest in the late 1800s.
9. When facing a 40 foot tall, obese conehead with rocket launchers for hands and a tank chassis instead of legs, keep in mind that his entire torso might just be a decoy to protect his real head, which is growing directly out of the tank chassis.
10. Robots are assholes. No exceptions.